It’s been a whole year and a half since I’ve put pen to paper, or to be more specific, finger to keys. I’ve missed writing, but every time I tried, my mind has gone blank. It’s like the world stops in that moment and there is nothing. It’s not like there hasn’t been a multitude of things to write. My husband has faced and conquered many challenges on his health journey. Then there was the end of last year when I graduated from Seminary! I would think I’d have a ton to write and celebrate with that accomplishment but nothing. Then there is the daily life of living in a house with my husband, two grown sons, and one feline that demands my attention almost 24/7. But with all this up and down activity, my mind has gone blank whenever I thought about what to write. I wondered if God was trying to tell me something. Maybe he was no longer going to encourage me in this ministry. As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I started questioning if I would ever write again.
Then last night, I was thinking about the verse that says, “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10a). I thought maybe God is just wanting me to be patient and listen. He’s talking and I’m just not listening because honestly, my life has been loud and busy. And then it hit me. He’s not talking at all. He’s just sitting there beside me, waiting for me to join Him.
When I was a teenager, I had this friend that was closer than a brother. He was a couple of years younger than me so many times I would pick him up to take him to church or just pick him up to meet up with friends. When I took him back home, we’d talk in the driveway for hours. But invariably, we’d end up going silent, staring out the front window of my car. There was nothing more to say. We just weren’t ready to say goodnight. During those silent moments, I’m sure like me, his head was swirling with all the activities that had happened that evening. We had several great friends that we hung out with, and we were always having a grand time. So, we’d just sit in the car, staring out the front window in silence, enjoying the last few minutes of the night together.
It dawned on me that’s what God has been waiting for me to do. He hasn’t had a need to tell me what to write. He’s just wanted me to sit in silence and wind down from the day with Him. I’ve gotten so busy managing life that when I want to write, I’m almost looking at God as if He is next on the list. I’m waiting for His words, instead of taking the time to enjoy His presence.
Maybe I can write now or maybe I’ll just be sitting with God staring out the window with Him because I have a lot to learn about doing that. But now I realize “being still” isn’t necessarily a call to listen. Maybe God has nothing to say. Maybe He just wants to spend a little bit of time sitting beside you and me in silence, just enjoying the time together.