The Hole

The 102-year-old Texan was on his death bed with one of his little great granddaughters sitting beside him.  She asked: “Grand Pa, what is your secret for living such a long, happy and healthy life?”  The old man answered: “Honey, I don’t know of any secret.  I have tried to put God first in my life. I have tried to treat others as I would like to be treated.  There is one other thing that’s kind of funny. For as long as I can remember, every morning I eat a bowl of oatmeal with a half teaspoon of gun powder sprinkled on it.”  That little girl lived to be 104 years old. When she died, she left 9 children, 31 grandchildren, 92 great grandchildren and several great great-grandchildren.  In addition, she left a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be. 

Betty left a much larger hole in my heart and life.  Whenever a loved one dies there is a hole.

How it Happened

Betty and I met on a blind phone call on December 30, 1954, in Houston, Texas.  She was a nursing student, and I was an Airman Second Class in the US Air Force.  Our first date was on New Years Eve, that next evening.  It consisted of riding around Houston with my friend Bob Buck (also Air Force) and his date. We picked the girls up at 6:30 PM, at the Lilly Jolly School of Nursing; they had to be back by 8:30 PM.  There was a lot of talking, joking and laughing; not a serious word the whole time. 

I knew almost immediately that Betty was special.  I can’t describe what made her special.  I had never met anyone like her.  I called her the next day and asked if I could see her again.  She agreed.  I have no idea where we went or what we did on dates over the next few weeks other than attending Sunday night services at First Baptist of Houston. 

I did not have a car; I took the bus to and from the school.  On January 25^th, I took delivery of a brand new 1955 Ford 2 door.  From then on, any time that we both had time off, we were together. 

On February 19^th, we were sitting in my new car parked on Galveston Beach when I asked Betty to marry me.  I had not planned it; in fact, I do not remember ever thinking about it.  It was as if I was a dummy and someone else was pulling the strings and doing the talking.  I was as astonished as Betty.  When she didn’t say a word for a couple of minutes, I said that we needed to get started back to Houston to get her in on time.  As we were getting on the freeway, Betty said, “Yes.”  I said, “Yes what?”  She replied, “I’ll marry you”.  I do not remember a thing until I was back at the site and in my bunk.  My thoughts were how did I get myself into this.  I’ve just purchased a new car and now I’m getting married.  There was little or no sleep that night.

The Wedding

Over the next few weeks there was lots of planning. We set the wedding date for mid-July.  A sergeant at the site was being transferred; his apartment would be available in then. Best of all, we could afford it.  We took a weekend trip to Betty’s home in Pharr, Texas, over 300 miles from Houston.  Three girls from the school went with us.  I met Betty’s family for the first time.  It was a quick trip.  Things were coming together. 

Then in mid-May, I received orders to report to St Hubert RCAF Station in Montreal, Canada, on June 21^st.  It was decision time.  Should we continue with the wedding?  If we married, should Betty go to Canada or stay in school?  Betty stated her preference; we should move up the wedding and that she should go to Canada.  We got married in her sister’s house in Pharr, Texas on June 6, 1955.  There were 12 to 15 people at the wedding.  We left shortly after the cake cutting to start on our way to Canada by way of Florida.

Florida & Travel

Betty had not met any of my family.  However, she had talked to Mom and Dad on the phone. She had no idea what to expect with my family and was concerned.  But there was no reason for her to be concerned. Betty really hit it off well with Mom and Dad.  I know that she was pleasantly surprised. 

Mom and my Aunt Stella had a reception for us. Betty was again concerned; she had no idea what to expect. About 50 people came.  All were super nice to her and many brought wedding gifts.  She was delighted and overwhelmed. I thought that she was going to cry when late that evening, we talked about the day.  She was so pleased with her new family and their friends and how she had been accepted.

While in St. Augustine, I gave her a complete tour of the town and the beaches.  She loved St. Augustine; it was a sharp contrast to the little farm community on the Mexican border that she had grown up in.  She never dreamed that one day we would live here.

Canada

Our time went by fast in St Augustine; then we were back on our way to Canada.  Canada was a total shock to both of us. There was very little housing available, and it was much more expensive than Houston. Betty could not speak French so she could not get a job.  We were in big trouble.  I turned the family finances over to her.  I knew that I couldn’t handle them. 

The first month we lived in a real dump.  It had a wood-fire cook stove, an ice box and no hot water. During that month I used every available minute to find a better place to live. I found a new apartment building that was nearly completed.  The building had 12 studio apartments each consisted of a main room, a bathroom and a kitchen. The main room was divided by a bamboo curtain that made it into a living room and bedroom. We moved in without a stick of furniture before all the trim work was completed.  There was a built-in chest of drawers and a nice clothes closet.  The first week we slept on a blanket on the floor.  We purchased, on time, from Sears a bed, a couch and a small kitchen table with 4 chairs.  Our apartment was furnished.

Struggles

By September, Betty had a budget worked out and everything was running smoothly.  Then disaster struck.  The Lilly Jolly School of Nursing required us to start paying back Betty’s scholarship immediately.  They required double payment for 3 months to cover the payments missed.  During those months, our diet was mostly peanut butter sandwiches and canned tomato soup with potatoes in it.  A few times, for a treat, Betty baked hotdogs wrapped in biscuit dough with mustard. 

It was during this time when our stress levels were completely off the scale, that we had some sort of disagreement.  We were only 4 months into our marriage and things seemed to be falling apart.  Then that voice from the past came through me. I said: “Honey I know that God brought us together; it’s up to us to solve the problems.” Over the years, Betty has said that those were the most comforting words she had ever heard.  I wish that I could take credit for them.

Snow Boots

Near the end of October, it got colder and snow stayed on the ground.  Betty could not go out for any period because she had no snow boots.  That was when she revealed to me that she had had 5 dollars in the back of her wallet since before we were married.  In addition, she had added 1 dollar each month.  We went to Montreal on my next day off to buy snow boots.  The temperature was around 20 degrees with snow on the sidewalks.  After going from shoe store to shoe store, we realized that no one stocked shoes larger than a size 10.  Betty wore a 12.  As we walked back to the car, Betty was crying; her feet were frozen and in great pain and she was not getting any snow boots.  As we passed one more shoe store, I suggested that we stop to warm her feet.  She did not want to.  A young lady waited on us.  She seated Betty where she could place her feet on a floor heat vent.  When I told her our problem, she went to the back. She came back with what she called over boots and heavy wool socks.  Betty slipped on the socks and the over boots.  They worked; they were a reasonable fit. In addition, they were a lot less expensive than snow boots.  They cost a little less than Betty’s secret fund. 

Attitude

By May 1956, I had received a little raise and Betty had our finances on an even keel.  But neither of us were very happy.  We were still broke, and we resented the Air Force for sending us to this hole.  I don’t know how we got on the subject.  We talked about how bad things were and that we had another year to go in Canada.  Eventually, we realized that we were wasting our lives by being unhappy and resentful.  That night we resolved to do better and not be unhappy or resentful.  Our second decision was that once a month we should go out to dinner.  Each month we went to a little drive-in where each of us had a hamburger, French fries, a soft drink and a small soft ice cream cone.  Total cost was $0.90, no tip.  Immediately things got better.  We were both happier, we had less disagreements and the world was a better place.  I believe that God was teaching us to be like Paul and be content.  He was also preparing us for the future.

After the Air Force

In July 1957, I was discharged from the Air Force.  After a short period in Falls Church, Virginia, I took a job with Burroughs Corporation in Paoli, Pennsylvania.  I was to spend 5 months there in computer school, then transfer to Cape Canaveral.  Betty was expecting and was due about the same time that I was completing school.  This presented a travel problem.  The second week of January, Betty flew to Florida to stay with my parents until I arrived.  Our son was born on February 9,1958, in the Florida East Coast Hospital.  By mid-March I had been assigned to the test team for a new computer.  Betty and baby flew to Pennsylvania at that time.  The first of April our work schedule changed. We now worked 12 hours a day seven days a week with every other Sunday off.  I worked the night shift from 3:30 PM until 5:00 AM.  We worked this schedule until Labor Day when we transferred to Cape Canaveral.  Betty handled everything; all I did was eat, sleep and work.  Betty put every dime of the overtime plus the 10% for night work in savings for college.  During the year we were at the Cape, my normal work was 60 hours (6, 10-hour days) a week.  Again, Betty put all of the overtime money in the college fund.  In just a year and a half, we saved over $6,000 which was well above my regular annual salary.  In September 1959, we left the Cape for the University of Florida. 

Lessons Learned

In a little over 4 years God had taught Betty and me some important lessons:

1. In Canada we were over 1300 miles from our nearest family.  We had to rely on God and each other.
2. We could survive hard times.
3. Our attitude was much more important than our circumstances.
4. How to work together and support each other as a team.  We could disagree and still work through it with no hard feelings.
5. God is really in control.

In the beginning of this, I noted that Betty had left a big hole in my heart and life.  I went to a grief counseling session shortly after she died.  The speaker talked about void in life when a love one dies.  She suggested filling that void by being a volunteer or with a hobby or some other activity.  I think that these are good suggestions.  However, I have chosen to fill the hole with memories of the great and not so great times Betty and I had together.  I thank God almost every night for those times; I also thank God for the time we had together.  Many times, late at night when I am working at the computer I will hear, in my head, Betty’s voice say: “Are you coming to bed soon?”  At first it startled me; now it comforts me.

What are you filling your hole with?